Keep busy

While I’m on my working shift pattern, my schedule is gruelling. 14 hours at work, then commuting, then necessary things like bathing and eating, leave me with a scant 5 hours a day to sleep.  No time for niceties like chatting to friends, browsing the internet, watching tv etc.

I’m fine while I’m in the maelstrom which can last between 4 and 8 days, dashing from work to home to work again. Keeping busy silences my mind. It’s only when that stops and I have a day off that the creeping dread has an opportunity to kick in again.

I know getting too little sleep for so long has a bad effect. I just don’t have a way to rectify this at the moment.

8:15 pm 18th May 2018

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Sleep

I honestly believe getting enough sleep greatly alleviates my anxiety. However, it’s never as simple as “ok let’s get a solid 8 hour sleep no then I’ll feel fine” because who can actually get 8 hours sleep anyway?

Sleep is one of my life’s issues. I’ve worked overnights for the last 20 years, so already my natural body clock is messed up. I choose to work nights so I don’t mind it so much, the nights off are dark and peaceful, just how I like it. But sleeping in the daytime, 11am to 7pm is my window for sleep, is difficult. It’s hot and noisy. I take sleeping tablets, use earplugs, an eye mask, white noise clock and 2 fans when it gets bad. But the length and quality of sleep doesn’t compare to night time sleeping. Add into this days when my anxiety is through the roof and my brain keeps me awake and it’s easy to spiral downwards pretty quickly.

Recently I’ve been getting between 3 and 5 hours sleep a day for about the last 2-3 weeks.  I suppose it’s no wonder my mental health isn’t doing so good.

5:38am 14th May 2018

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