A good day

After yesterday’s bad end I feared I’d get no sleep due to negative persistent thinking. Fortunately I slept soundly, albeit for only 5 hours. This is nothing new, in fact it’s my norm these days, so I was content with that. I really feel typing the thoughts out onto here helped.

I had the night off work, but I stay on the same routine of sleep in the day and awake at night as it’s not viable to keep switching every couple of days. The switch takes its toll on me more and more the older I get and the longer I do nights for. Besides, a night off is a treat. I have the world to myself. Well, I have my town to myself and the odd truck driver.

At 2am I went a drive to the 24 hour grocery store and filled up my trolley with healthy foods. Juices, fresh fruit and vegetables, coconut milk and yoghurts. I came home and ate a good meal. Instantly I felt happier.

I find it easy to forget that good food produces good moods and helps your body to be healthier. It’s so obvious. But when I’m feeling anxious, depressed or insecure I’d rather reach for junk food first. I won’t fix my unhealthy relationship with food that easily, but for today, I feel better. And that’ll do for me.

8:25am 22nd May 2018

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Sleep

I honestly believe getting enough sleep greatly alleviates my anxiety. However, it’s never as simple as “ok let’s get a solid 8 hour sleep no then I’ll feel fine” because who can actually get 8 hours sleep anyway?

Sleep is one of my life’s issues. I’ve worked overnights for the last 20 years, so already my natural body clock is messed up. I choose to work nights so I don’t mind it so much, the nights off are dark and peaceful, just how I like it. But sleeping in the daytime, 11am to 7pm is my window for sleep, is difficult. It’s hot and noisy. I take sleeping tablets, use earplugs, an eye mask, white noise clock and 2 fans when it gets bad. But the length and quality of sleep doesn’t compare to night time sleeping. Add into this days when my anxiety is through the roof and my brain keeps me awake and it’s easy to spiral downwards pretty quickly.

Recently I’ve been getting between 3 and 5 hours sleep a day for about the last 2-3 weeks.  I suppose it’s no wonder my mental health isn’t doing so good.

5:38am 14th May 2018

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